When a Chinese gay lives in Ireland: Don't deceive yourself

I seem a bit different from others
In a small Chinese city 8,500 kilometers away from Ireland, a middle school boy suddenly discovered that he liked the same sex. It was 2010. At that time, the world still held an ambiguous and evasive attitude toward the topic of homosexuality.
His name is Dudu, a young man from a coastal city in China, who is now pursuing a master’s degree in modern dance at UL.
“I didn’t even know there was a term for homosexuality. I only knew that I liked boys, and I was very scared or, I should say, averse to female organs. I didn’t dislike girls, but I really felt physically uncomfortable with those feelings.”
This isn’t surprising. It wasn’t until 2020 that the government legislated for gender equality education to be implemented from primary to junior high school. People only then realized that boys liking boys were called homosexuality, and there were different categories under the LGBT+ umbrella.
“Although I didn’t fully understand it at the time, it seems like I’ve always had very ‘gay’ characteristics. For example, I liked playing with girls, I liked tidying up and dressing well. So even though I didn’t come out to my friends at the very beginning, everyone just assumed I liked boys. There was no malicious attack on me, everything happened naturally. I’ve experienced bullying in school, but I don’t think it was because of my sexual orientation; maybe it was just because my personality didn’t quite fit in with the group. But I don’t mind.”

The Stark Differences Between China and UL
Dudu’s life in Limerick provided him with a whole fresh viewpoint. He noticed that mainstream culture in Ireland has a relaxed and supportive attitude towards the LGBT population, and no one avoids talking about it. In China, however, the LGBT population is viewed as a specialized group, similar to the elephant in the room, which everyone is aware of but avoids addressing.
“I found another interesting thing: girls tend to be more inclined to be friends with gay. This is especially noticeable in China, possibly because women are naturally more empathetic and kind. They can sense that your group is not widely accepted in mainstream society, so they are willing to support and embrace you. Most of my friends in China are female. However, in Limerick, this distinction is not as apparent. Perhaps it’s because, in here, LGBT is not as specialized.”

The Perplexing Dilemma
The disparity between reality and the internet is a frequent issue that Dudu brings up.
“I often come across various LGBT events on social media, but I can’t find any such organizations in real life. Perhaps it’s because these organizations’ advertising is not effective? I really want to participate in Pride events, but I don’t know where to get information. There’s a sense of disconnect.”
Another obstacle Dudu encounters is his desire to have a family. Dudu may assume he needs children and a family because of conventional cultural conventions. He thinks that by doing so, he will be able to show his presence in this world. It is, however, difficult.
“At UL, I met an amazing guy from Brazil. But we both realised at the start of our relationship that we didn’t have a future. We come from diverse nations and have different work goals and desires. Our destiny is to split ways.” Dudu remarked after a little silence, “Perhaps it’s because the love wasn’t deep enough, or else I might have been willing to give up my future for him.”

I Want to Say …
The LGBT community needs to regulate its behavior more, especially now that social media has become more prevalent, drawing greater attention to LGBT issues. Society is offering you support and open-mindedness, but at the same time, this group needs to respect itself. It’s a two-way process. Avoid crossing certain boundaries that could prove this acceptance wrong. Such actions could undermine the efforts of those who have long been advocating for acceptance.
“Of course,” Dudu says, “Don’t pretend, don’t deceive, don’t indulge. That’s what I’ve always been doing.”